Mum Wants To Trade Her Female Embryo For A Male One And People Have A Lot to Say!

Mum Wants To Trade Her Female Embryo For A Male One And People Have A Lot to Say!

For any parent struggling with infertility, the following story may be extremely hard to read. You see, when you’re having trouble conceiving just one child, it’s hard to feel any sympathy for those who have healthy and viable embryos but choose to not use them for one reason…their gender. Yes, it’s true. As astonishing as it sounds, parents out there are forgoing their own embryos in favour of using someone else’s instead.

Take 37 year old Lisa for example. The native New Yorker took to the internet recently to share her fertility journey. Lisa already has a 5 year old son but is desperate to have another boy. So much so, that she and her husband have undergone numerous rounds of IVF which have left them with one remaining female embryo.

Problem is, Lisa doesn’t want a girl. She wants to swap the female embryo for a male one.

Donor swap

As was expected, the backlash was almost immediate. Parents wrote in calling Lisa selfish and self centred amongst other things. The mum of one hit back saying no-one ‘understands unless they’ve walked in her shoes.’

Lisa says their five year old son Daniel is “our world and a beautiful child, but, as soon as he could talk, he was asking for a sibling. Every time he sees other kids — there’s a lot in our family and in our neighborhood — he is like, ‘He has a brother. Why don’t I have a brother?’

“And I’m like, ‘Don’t make it any harder on me than it already is.’ He has no idea,” she added.

Lisa went on a mission to give Daniel a sibling but it wasn’t easy. Three rounds of IVF later and Lisa still couldn’t have a viable pregnancy, none of the embryos took. At that point, Lisa and husband Ray had used most of their savings trying to get pregnant but nothing was working. Some of the embryos didn’t fully develop, whereas others were genetically compromised or failed to attach to her uterus.

In 2017, Lisa finally got pregnant using one of her embryos but tragically lost it while miscarrying.

“I haven’t really gotten over it,” she said. “Since the miscarriage, I’ve been stuck on a boy.”

The mum said she’s even saved all of Daniel’s clothes in the hopes of having another son. “We’ve saved all this boy stuff,” she said. “Some of it has emotional significance like Daniel’s first little snow suit which looks like a teddy bear. Then there’s the first outfit he came home from the hospital in.”

She even used the inflated prices of real estate in NY as another reason for wanting a boy. “Economically, it makes sense for us to have a boy. We have a two-bedroom house with no space for a third bedroom. We bought it when Daniel was an infant, and now prices have risen so much in this neighborhood. There is no way we could afford a separate bedroom for a girl. We’d have to move to Nebraska.”

Ummm ok.

So now, after yet another round of gruelling IVF treatment the couple have been blessed with a perfectly healthy female embryo.  “I was surprised and sad it was a girl,” Lisa admitted.

The couple currently keep their one female embryo in a storage facility that costs them $1,000 a month and Lisa suggested that the financial loss of trying to conceive is what prompted her to take a more extreme measure.

After posting her ad for a male embryo, Lisa has had a number of offers from interested parties. One woman who already had her own son and six stepsons showed interest as she was itching for a girl.

Many people have questioned why she would forego the opportunity to have her own biological child in favour of having someone else’s. Lisa says that she has no problem carrying someone else’s potential biological child in exchange for her own.

“It doesn’t really matter,” she argued. “I think if I carry the baby, I would have a bond. I know so many women who have gone through IVF with donor eggs and that’s their child. A friend, who is white and Jewish, adopted a black child. That’s his son. That bond is unbreakable.”

Many potential parents have approached Lisa saying they will happily take the female embryo off her hands but don’t have a male one to exchange. Lisa says that is definitely a deal breaker.

“That is not going to work. We want a boy,” she said.

 

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