Glitter Bombs for Your Vagina Are Here!
And no, we do not mean vulva. We mean vagina.
So just when you think that trends can’t get any stupider, the vagina glitter bomb arrives and blows all the see-through jeans, feathered eyebrows and armpit tattoos clear outta the water. This is NOT fake news.
Passion Dust Intimacy Capsules are glitter-filled capsules you shove up your vajayjay before sex so that everything that comes out looks all glittery like you’ve screwed a unicorn or a vampire or something. Clean up has never been so pretty!
“PASSION DUST is a sparkalized capsule that is inserted into the vagina at least 1 hour prior to having sexual intercourse,” reads the website.
“As the capsules become increasingly warmed and moistened by the natural vaginal fluids it will begin to dissolve releasing the sparkling, candy flavoured PASSION DUST inside of the capsule.”
This is just the kind of absurd shit I needed to hear today.
We have so many questions. The first of which is: when did ‘sparkalized’ become a word? Also, candy flavoured?
I feel the need to warn you before you view the next image, shared by a promoter of this product. There is nothing specifically NSFW about it, but it is a bit off. Perhaps it’s the blinding white light coming out of the fleshlight, as it oozes some sort of err… substance.
“it sparkles because it’s special”
“The flavour is sweet like candy but not overly sweet, just enough to make your lover feel that your Yara (water-lady or little butterfly) is what all vaginas are supposed to look, feel and taste like; soft, sweet and magical!”
Yeah, no thanks. I’m good.
Surprisingly enough, this product has sold out across the internet prompting gynaecologists to warn users about using the sparkly suppository. We thought we’d never see the day when doctors had to tell people not to stick glitterbombs up their hoo-hahs.
Today is that day.
“The vagina contains a delicate balance of good bacteria, which are there to protect it,” warns Dr Vanessa Mackay, spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists told The Independent. “If women place foreign objects inside their vagina, they risk disturbing this balance which may lead to infection, such as bacterial vaginosis or thrush, and inflammation.”
Consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist Shazia Malik agreed, saying that the ingredients used in these capsules could cause painful inflammatory discharge and even tiny scratches to the vagina.
“Using a product like this so called passion dust might actually kill off any passion at all.”
“The starch and gelatin will increase the pH as well as adding sugar to vaginal secretions – which will encourage harmful bacteria and fungi such as Candida to thrive.
“This causes increased discharge and a painful inflamed vagina, which causes painful intercourse.
“Also the glitter capsules can cause tiny scratches to the vaginal mucosa during sex, again allowing harmful bacteria to infect the vaginal walls. Even worse it’s possible that some glitter pieces may even migrate up through the cervix into the womb lining and have exactly the same effects there.”
Oh but the retailer of Passion Dust has pre-empted the backlash by adding a section to its site urging their readers to ignore expert advice.
“Any gynaecologist would tell you that NOTHING should go in your vagina!” the site says.
“If you’ve ever had vaginal issues you had them before you used Passion Dust anyway. If you’ve ever had a yeast infection I’m sure it wasn’t caused by glitter, it just happens sometimes.”
So any problems you might have are totally your noonie’s fault, not theirs. Got it.
There are also warnings in the case of your sexual partner having an asthma attack while down there enjoying your glittery new “Yara”. Oh dear, just think of the explanations in the ER as to how their lungs became filled with glitter.
This new trend is just fraught with peril. Vaginas are perfect as they are without any decorations, scents or flavours.
Source: Giphy and Instagram/madam.butterflie