Am I turning my child into a bully?
The hot topic at the moment that everyone is talking about is bullying and cyber bullying. We are all worried our child being bullied or in fact even worse, is the bully! What do we do if we know our child is being a bully? How do we change the behaviour in our child if they are the bully or how do we ask ourselves if we are contributing to the cause.
1. Do we gossip or backstab our friends or other people in front of our children.
Has your child grown up around a group of adults that sit around having coffee talking about the business of others? Maybe even having a good old laugh at the expense of the friends that are not there? How have we taught our children to have a group conversation? Is it always at the expense of someone else? Its important children and even teenagers are not always involved in adult conversation. They can sometimes understand more than we realise.
2. Is there a friend that is always the brunt of all the jokes?
When a group of friends are together- is there one person that just keeps getting picked on. We don’t really mean it as adults, or do we? It’s just that there is always one person we can say the comments too and make fun of them and no matter what they put up with it. Oh yes we always say it’s a joke, but then again don’t the bullies at school.
3. Do you ever exclude people?
We know we all can’t all be the best of friends, but we do need to try and all get along. Do your children ever hear you say- we don’t want them there – or are they really coming? Then when you get there you spend the whole time isolating someone and not making them feel included. Then when you get in the car, the whole way home you sit with your partner insulting every little thing they said and did.
4.Reminiscing old stories
This is such a man thing. Having a laugh at all the old stories of the fights we got into at nite clubs, parties and school. Or when we through that one great punch was a knock out. We make ourselves look like heroes. Yet if kids do that now they can get in some serious trouble. In face that one serious punch can often kill someone.
5.Seeing a couple argue
Many years ago Dr. Phil said that arguing in front of your children changes them forever. No matter how couples argue, whatever we do, it shapes who our children are. If we pick on each other’s faults, yell and scream, say mean things to each other, go out of our way to hurt each other’s feelings, ridicule each other, or the worst case scenario are violent and degrading then that’s what we are exposing and teaching our children.
Our children mimic us from the moment they are born. This is just another way they show the world who the adults in their lives really are. If they are being a bully maybe it’s time to look at your own behaviour. And be true to the man in the mirror.
If we have noticed some of these behaviours in ourselves then the step first thing is try to stop, or at least in front of our children. Take time out to talk to your child about how you are not proud of the things you have done and you have realised they are only rightfully copying you. Tell them how you regret it and you have seen how this makes others feel. You may also want to seek professional advice from a counsellor and possibly discuss it with your child’s teachers. Tell them stories about how you have now realised what you did was wrong. Open and honest communication is the key. Be approachable.
Sacha Kaluri is a renowned Youth Motivational Speaker and has been travelling all over Australia for the past 13 years speaking to thousands of young people. Her topics include careers, body image, bullying/cyber bullying, self esteem, confidence, teamwork, leadership and stress management.
Sacha began her business career when she was just 18, owning her own Aromatherapy company. This successful business allowed her to distribute products all over Australian and Asia. After gaining so much self taught knowledge in the business world Sacha began to speak to young people about being economically empowered and finding the career of their dreams. With having dabbled in the stand up comedy world Sacha found it easy to present to young people and it ignited a passion inside her to work with teenagers. With her down to earth personality and funny stories students became easily energised what she had to say.
In 2000 Sacha began The Motivational Company to formally acknowledge the work she did with young people. After its instant success Sacha began to specialise in also working with “At Risk’ young people. She helps all kinds of teenagers from all walks of life to build their confidence and resilience to take on the world.
Sacha ACTIVATES young people. She gets them EXCITED about the choices they have. INSPIRES and MOTIVATES them to do all that it takes to get them to where they want to be. Sacha gives young people CONFIDENCE to make their own choices!
Sacha has an innate ability to relate to young people and has been referred to as one of Australia’s Leading Youth Career Ambassadors.
Now after realising that she has a huge network of schools, she began the Australian Teenage Expo with her business partner Sonya Karras (Professional speaker with topics about Drugs, alcohol and safe partying). Together they are able to provide even more knowledge to teenagers, parents and educators.